Kicked out of daycare

Not really. But kind of.

I have been itching to blog the details and 1500 pictures from our Italian adventures, but we’re having a bit of a transition here and it hasn’t been easy for the littlest member of our family.

The first week we were back I couldn’t even put her down to use the bathroom. I’ll let you meditate on the difficulties and disgustingness of using the toilet while holding a toddler. Not my favorite, but better than listening to her cry.

She cried for 2 hours at daycare that week. Hearing this breaks my heart and makes me want to quit, effective immediately. But 1. I can’t quit mid-term, and, more importantly, 2. I think I’m a better mom when I am with Lil because I have time for myself. But there is so much guilt. My baby wants to hang out with me so much! How could I leave her!?!?!!!

Also, she never cries otherwise. She is the happiest, sweetest kid when I’m around. (Even happier and sweeter when she’s got both parents!) So seeing her distressed by momma and dada going back to work after nearly 4 straight weeks of quality family time has been tough.

Fortunately, this week the clinginess has subsided and she’s become more content/enthusiastic about exploring her surroundings. She’s gotten back to playing by herself, wanting to walk around the house by herself, and allowing mama to use the bathroom independently. We are happy to have our Lil back.

Daycare is still tough. Dada dropped her off today and she (only?) cried for 45 min. It pains me to type that. Once she settles in, though, she’s been smiling and giggling, coloring and playing.

She won’t sleep, though, and it pains me even more to envision her all alone in a pack n play in a strange room in a strange house with a caregiver she doesn’t remember just screaming her head off. It’s not fair to do that to her. I don’t know that I’d be able to sleep under those conditions, either.

So, I’ll be picking her up before the afternoon nap, the caregiver suggesting that she’d consider having Lil back for the afternoon when we did some solid cry it out sessions at home. I cant blame her for wanting to be able to put Lil in the pack n play and leave – she’s got 4 other kids to watch and a new baby on the way. But neither Jason nor I feel particularly driven to change our sleep strategy at home when its working fine for us.

Anyways, all of this early pick up stuff means doing less work at work, which means more work at home (when Lil is sleeping or with Jason), which means less family time on the weekends and less free time for mama (in case I had any to begin with). I’m a bit stressed out by this new arrangement, if you can’t tell. Somehow it has to work, though. And at least my baby won’t be crying by herself in a strange room, right?

(Here’s where I note that we actually really really like our daycare provider – she is so sweet and enthusiastic and great with the kids. We are lucky to have found her, and when I pick Lil up, it’s obvious that she likes her caregiver. And while I’m stressed about this new situation, I’m glad we have found a care provider who likes Lil enough to not let her scream at naptime! Chalk this ranty post up to my frustration that my baby is having a tough time, and my learning that what was supposed to be a perfect balance – me working part time – is not always that.)