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first day of school… and no one got kidnapped.

September 13, 2011

Today was our first day of school!

I was up early this morning — too early — with crazy-mama thoughts running through my mind.  I wasn’t really looking forward to leaving Lilly at daycare.  And something about motherhood changes your brain in such a way that insane things seem to suddenly be completely plausible.  Like, for example, the daycare provider is going to take off on a multi-state kidnapping roadtrip with your 2 month old.  You know, the caregiver who you’ve spent hours with and is wonderful and has had a full background check and set of fingerprints done by the state because she’s also a substitute teacher and has spent something like the last 10 years of her life caring for and teaching children in some way or another.  Yes.  She definitely just fake bought a house in the area and has somehow acquired someone else’s sweet sweet son (who clearly looks like her) specifically to meet and kidnap my sweet, lovely little infant.

Thank goodness Jason was here to talk me down this morning.
Little angel

{you wouldn’t be able to leave this cuteness without crying, either. I’m sure of it.}

Still, there were tears shed (by me) and a lot of (unsuccessfully) trying to put on a brave smiley face so that she wouldn’t be worried (infants catch on to emotion at this point, right?  I don’t even know.).  I just kept imagining her crying because she needs ME and I’m not there for her (do infants do that?).  So so sad.  And then I’d tear up.  And then she’d smile and laugh at me.  And then I’d tear up and giggle a little back because she’s so cute.

My mantra for the morning became: I’m doing this for her.  I’m doing this for her.  I’m doing this for her.

And, really, I mostly am.  I love my job.  And a happy mama = a happy baby, right?  Not to mention, I know that having forced time away from her will really make me treasure the time that I am with her, and not take her for granted.  And I know that I’d be frustrated with myself if I didn’t have some sort of mental stimulation outside of what’s going on here at home…  especially since I’ve invested so much time and energy into my school/training and have pretty much been handed the exact job that I’ve realized I want (seriously, they created a new position just for me!).  You just can’t beat that.

Financially, we can make it on Jason’s salary.  But the extra that I can bring in just by working a few hours/week will be primarily going to her college fund.  I have big dreams of being able to send her to college like my parents did for me.  What a gift that was!  I hope that working also shows her that she can be a mom and have work that she enjoys outside the home, too.  (And, if she spends as much of my money going to college as I did of my parent’s, then she better keep working to pay for my retirement. Kidding, future Lilly.  Sort of.  Just please don’t be an art major, okay?)

{we all really like Lilly’s caregiver, even if Lilly looks a bit unimpressed here!}

We arrived at daycare on time and in clean clothes, and she smiled as her new caregiver pulled her out of her car seat.  I gave her a quick kiss on the head and left.  And she was fine.  (Our caregiver awesomely took photos and texted them to me throughout the morning – made me feel so. much. better.)  Lilly spent the morning so intrigued by the other two kids playing that she didn’t even squeak out a nap, but was in a happy mood anyways.  And when I picked her up, it was as if I hadn’t even left — totally no big whoop as far as she was concerned.  (Which makes me feel simultaneously happy and angry.  Happy because she’s so happy – even with new people.  Angry because what? I spend all this time growing her, feeding her, giving up all sorts of things like ice cream and sushi, and she can just ditch me like that?  What is that?)

So anyways, enough of my mama drama for today.  The moral of the story: she made it, I made it, we’re all good.  At least until next time I have to drop her off.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. September 13, 2011 3:16 pm

    Yes, happy mamma = happy baby. And include dad in there, too.

    Like you said, the time spent away will make you treasure the time you do have, and that will go a long way. Plus, daycare can help her socialize more than she might have otherwise.

  2. Debbie permalink
    September 13, 2011 3:33 pm

    I was thinking of you today and every time I looked at the 3 month old in my care, I was sure Lilly was just as happy. Glad you both made it through the day!

  3. September 13, 2011 3:55 pm

    There is nothing wrong with being an art major jen!!! Hah. She’s getting cuter and cuter, my mom sent me the “happy coo” video, she was adorable.

  4. September 13, 2011 5:28 pm

    Now, hopefully after all these years one of my children understands my worries, protectiveness and outright paranoia….I feel vindicated….(and look at that beautiful, clean house the caregiver has!)

  5. September 13, 2011 5:47 pm

    I’m glad you’re happy with the day. It’s one of the hardest things to do-leave that baby with the babysitter for the first time! 🙂

  6. September 14, 2011 8:55 am

    Ok, you made me cry! 🙂 Glad you both made it through the day!

  7. September 14, 2011 3:33 pm

    So glad the first day went well – I remember mine clearly – and that was before mobile phones so no texting check ups! (Yes, my eldest is THAT old!)

    She still looks adorable, and hopefully won’t be entirely grown up and off to college by the time her pressie arrives – finally got it posted yesterday!

    I see you are on wordpress (I am SO observant!) – just moved my jewelty blog over to the “darkside”! and gradually getting the hang of it.

  8. September 16, 2011 9:14 am

    This week was my first week back to work as well and I can relate to all of your feelings. I cried every day, Thursdya (for some reason) was the worst! It is just so hard being a working mama…but you are right, we are doing it for them, to provide them the best life. How lucky are we to like our jobs? Imagine we had to go to work to a place we hated every day? That would stink! Lilly is very pretty! Good luck xo

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