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I left the house by myself…

August 23, 2011

… and I didn’t feel guilty about it at all.

I did feel guilty about not feeling guilty, though.

I kind of think I should have felt like my heart was yanked out of me when I left her.  Like I should feel awful leaving my baby with my husband for an hour and a half while I went to yoga.  Like I should feel bad about making her take a bottle instead of getting her food from the source.

Instead?  I felt LIBERATED!  Oh FREEDOM, sweet, sweet FREEDOM.

It was the first time I’d really been completely alone since Lilly’s birth.  And, you know that when Ace of Base came on the radio, I sang along.

It reminded me of my 8th grade graduation.  My parents got me a walkman and 3 tapes, one of which was Ace of Base.  I always thought making a big production of 8th grade graduation was stupid, but we had just moved and I switched schools that year and I hadn’t grown into my adult nose yet.  It was a rough time and the gift was much appreciated, even if I thought completing 8th grade wasn’t much reason for celebration.

So… 2 thoughts:

1. What random things that J and I do will stick in Lilly’s memory when she’s older?  I wish I knew so that I could make those things/experiences super-ultra-cool.

2.  I’m alone, for the first time in 6 weeks and I’m jamming to Ace of Base?  I envisioned myself much, much cooler than this.


(Yoga was awesome, and I’m glad I went.  But I was happy to get back and snuggle my baby.)

9 Comments leave one →
  1. August 23, 2011 10:20 pm

    LOL!!!!! I had the exact same thing, I felt guilty for NOT feeling guilty. I was like “Waitasec, isn’t this supposed to be SO hard and sad and whatever?” I wondered if I was secretly a sociopath!

  2. August 24, 2011 9:27 am

    You should never feel lame for jamming to Ace of Base. Never. So, in an attempt to make you feel better, I’ll share a secret with you: once I translated The Sign into French. All of it. And then I sang it in my head every time I heard the stupid song on the radio. To this day, when I happen to catch it, I still sing my Francophile version. THIS is something to be embarrassed about.

    Also, you give me hope. Always. Thank you.

  3. August 24, 2011 12:41 pm

    HAHAHA! You crack me up! You know, I keep having the same reasonings. I don’t think I am going to flip leaving baby for a small amount of time. I do have friends that feel guilty just going to work, which I find odd.

  4. Catherine permalink
    August 24, 2011 3:42 pm

    that picture of her is saying, “OH MY GOSH! You’re back?!” 😉 i’m sure she loved her one on one daddy time!

  5. August 24, 2011 6:55 pm

    That guilt thing is born the same time as the baby! 🙂 It’s good to get out for a bit on your own.

  6. Marilyn Short permalink
    August 24, 2011 11:28 pm

    It’s been so fun reading your comments and seeing pictures of Lilly. Getting out and doing something for yourself is a good thing. And especially Yoga. I first tried yoga just two years ago and find it to be so therapeutic.

  7. August 26, 2011 1:26 pm

    I’m glad you didn’t feel guilty… you shouldn’t! The first time I left Logan was when she was a week old and I had to run to the grocery store while my mom was keeping her so I could get stuff to make Ryan (my husband) a cake for his birthday. I hadn’t taken her anywhere in my car at that point (just in Ryan’s and with him), so it didn’t feel weird not to have her in the car… just weird like I was missing something. That is all so much different now that she’s four months old! But I do think you need some time away so you’re refreshed and have a few minutes to yourself! 🙂

  8. August 26, 2011 1:42 pm

    Yeah for no guilt 🙂

    Could you email me your postal address? I got a certain little lady a gift from a certain shop in Belfast, and would love to send it to you.

  9. August 27, 2011 3:40 am

    Ace of Base is awesome! I still have a cassette tape my parents bought me as a gift! I am due with my first child October 9- and I am already dreading the first time I have to leave him alone with someone else (other than my husband). I feel guilty and I haven’t even given birth to him yet! Hopefully I’ll make out fine like you did!!
    Also, rocking out in the car to classic 90s music will be a great memory for your little one to remember!!

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