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2010 Week 27

July 16, 2010

This week started off with fresh blueberries from the farmer’s market sprinkled over homemade waffles.  I will never buy pre-packaged waffle mix again.  These were amazing, and took about 5 seconds to make using things I already had in the cupboard.  And one batch conveniently makes enough for the two of us to have waffles on Saturday AND Sunday morning.  Yum.

Thanks for your thoughtful comments on last week’s musing about how much to share on the blog.  As I’m working on my projects, I tend to do a lot of thinking.  Jason suggested that I probably do more thinking while tooling around the house than he does during an entire day at work (note to Jason’s Employer: he was obvs joking).  I did have one particular thought that was circulating as I wrote that and I didn’t want to leave you all hanging, to make you think I was intentionally hiding things from you.  What I was thinking about when I wrote that was how different this summer was than last summer.

Last summer, my gramma and uncle were sick.

This summer, we’re happy about my gramma’s return to health, and healing the hole in our hears left by my uncle.

Last summer, we were the new kids in town, hoping to make some new friends and check out all localsmallcity has to offer.

This summer, we’ve got some amazing friends and a decently big social calendar, specifically for two people who threaten to become recluses because they love their home so much.

Last summer, as we prepared for our trip to Ireland, we were glad to be childless.

This summer?  Not so much.

This summer it’s more like I’m torn between feeling like I. need. a. baby. now!, and being scared to death that if we did, we’d lose it again.  It’s not an awesome place to be.  It means that I’m super-judgmental about the mommas screaming at their kids in the grocery store, it means that I am hesitant to get too excited for friends as they announce their own pregnancies, it means that I get uber-bitchy every time auntie F comes to visit because it’s just a ridiculous reminder of how painful our only parenting experience was.  And none of that is how I want to be.  I mean, judgmental and bitchy?  No thanks.

I’ve hesitated to write much about it here (until now, apparently!) because it’s not something that I’d talk to you about if I knew you IRL (in real life!), and for those of you that I do know IRL, I still don’t want to talk about it with you.  Which makes it hard to blog about, right?  Like I can just put it out there and we can all ignore the elephant in the room! I just find that for me, writing and putting it out there makes it better, having a 45 minute discussion about whether my uterus will ever get used again with my grandfather will definitively not make it better (sorry, gpagg!).  Someday, maybe, if we’re real lucky, we’ll be successful at this having kids thing.  Until then, though, I’m working really hard at ignoring how painfully difficult the whole ordeal can be, and just counting my blessings (so, IRL peeps, I’m happy to discuss blessings with you!).  And that is the real-honest-to-goodness truth about any struggles we’re having here in the country.  Well, that, and the fact that the chicken breasts (bought locally, antibiotic/hormone free! we are turning into real food snobs!) we planned on grilling for dinner tonight aren’t thawing fast enough.

And, with those deep thoughts, I’ll leave you with the only other picture I’ve taken this week:

That’s the chalk sitting in our 1/2 bath, which, I am pleased to report, is pretty much finished.  Which means that I’ll have pictures to share with you next week!  Yay!

Also, stay tuned for a review of CSN stores, as well as some sewing craftiness!

Have a great weekend!

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Debbie permalink
    July 16, 2010 7:13 pm

    You do have many blessings as do we, chief among them You & J. We were all hoping more blessings( or maybe just one) would be coming in the next month and we are sad as well. Just know that we are here and we love you!

  2. July 17, 2010 4:32 pm

    There’s no cause to be alarmed if you want a baby now. Good planning will just make this unstable wish happen. The way you’re doing things and with the blessings pouring in, Jason and you are very ripe for another try. Just do it! God Bless! Happy SITS Sunday!

  3. mom permalink
    July 17, 2010 7:02 pm

    I am looking forward to having some of those blueberry waffles the next time I visit! The photo makes them look extra delicious!

  4. July 18, 2010 12:48 pm

    As your been-there-felt-that blog friend I just want to tell you that your reactions and feelings are so validated, as is your desire to not share these things with people you know IRL! Hang in there…

    – e

  5. July 18, 2010 10:52 pm

    I totally get what you mean about the whole kids thing. We are still so in limbo with our housing situation that I am not sure if pursuing that right now is the right decision. But everyone keeps telling me there “is no good time” so I don’t know. But I do know I don’t want to talk to anyone I know about it! Lol! Hugs and I can’t wait to see your bathroom!

  6. July 19, 2010 10:35 am

    Home made waffles are to die for! I love them as you can prob. tell from my blog. I’m glad you share your “stuff” with us but I know what you mean about talking to “real” people about it. My sister in law told me she reads my blog and I just thought “oh crap”. It was a really strange feeling to know a real person reads it!
    Try for a baby again sooner than later. The longer you put it off the easier it will be to just keep putting it off. You are such a sweetie. 🙂

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